10th September 2023 • My Family Our Needs

In this interview, we introduce Mike Palmer who is one third of 3 Dads Walking.

We sat down with Mike to talk about how the dads came together, their daughters, their work with national charity PAPYRUS and what we can all do this Suicide Prevention Day.

Suicide is the biggest killer of young people in the UK. Every year, we lose around 200 schoolchildren to suicide. Mike Palmer, Andy Airey and Tim Owen are all dads whose daughters sadly took their own lives.

‘I never knew this, and why should I know? It’s never going to happen to my family. But it did’, said Mike. After losing his daughter, Mike began working with PAPYRUS, the national charity for the prevention of young suicide, raising funds for the cause.

Mike told us that the stories of the dads’ three girls were very different. None of the fathers had any warning, and Mike admits he didn’t recognise any signs within his daughter, Beth. ‘She was there one minute and gone the next’, he said.

‘If I’d have been more aware, I’d would’ve recognised more signs in Beth, and I would’ve asked the right questions. It’s an all-round awareness’. He noted that Beth’s behaviour had become a little more erratic, but with such an outgoing personality, the signs were hard to spot.

Mike and Beth

Beth, Mike remembers, was a trained vocal artist and was very funny, very quick, could dance and belonged on stage. She was always the life and soul of the party, always laughing, always out there. ‘If there was something going on, Beth was always right in the middle of it’, he said.

The impact of suicide on parents and family is not to be underestimated. Mike told us, ‘It’s the ripple effect – they say 135 people are affected by one suicide. I believe Beth’s suicide is far more than that’.

Speaking honestly, Mike shared that losing his daughter caused him to engage in a period of suicidal behaviour himself.

‘I thought I could protect my girls from anything. I thought I’d given them enough knowledge to keep themselves safe from life and sadly, I lost Beth right under my own nose. I couldn’t have loved that little girl anymore’, Mike told us.

The Start of 3 Dads Walking

Losing Beth during lockdown in 2020 was an extremely isolating experience for Mike. With services shut, the family was limited in their options of who to reach out to for help. Just three weeks after losing his daughter, Mike’s daughter Emily received a message from fellow bereaved father Tim’s daughter on social media who had seen an article about Beth.

‘Me and Tim are very different. We were two bereaved fathers, hundreds of miles apart, but we were in the same place at the same time. To be able to talk to someone who understands is highly important’, Mike said. After bumping into Andy’s son at one of the PAPYRUS courses, the three dads were quickly united by their shared grief and mission to raise awareness of suicide prevention.

Since their journey started, the three fathers have raised just short of £1.2 million for PAPYRUS by taking part in marathon walks and have attracted international publicity.

In 2021, they walked 300-miles between their homes in Cumbria, Greater Manchester and Norfolk. In 2022, they doubled that distance by walking 600-miles between the four UK parliaments of Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales and England.

Mike told us he has met so many people affected by suicide. ‘There’s many, many stories. I speak to parents just about every day. These parents, through their grief, are 100% wonderful people. A lot of them are striving to make a difference themselves. That is amazing, I respect their courage’.

Suicide Prevention in the Curriculum

As well as raising awareness and money for the charity, the three dads have also been on a mission to get suicide prevention included in the school curriculum. ‘If we can raise awareness and talk about suicide and mental health issues far more frankly, that’s certainly what we learnt on the first walk amongst other things, we do need to talk about these subjects.

‘We need to talk to children especially as they are going to be parents one day, they’ll become our MP’s, sat in our seats now. That’s where we have to start’, Mike stressed.

Mike, Andy and Tim have since gone on to have their petition to have suicide prevention taught in the National Curriculum discussed in Parliament and have met with the Prime Minister. Mike told us, ‘School is the best place for suicide prevention to be taught, and help-seeking behaviour.

‘We need to do it age appropriately but we need to start from early years talking about emotions, we need to get a balance between academic qualifications, life skills and the internet in general’.

Reach Out For Help

When asked where individuals having suicidal thoughts can go, Mike told us, ‘You must reach out and you must talk. I know it’s hard but since we were open about what we were doing, it gave other people courage’.

Mike told us that the PAPYRUS helpline service should be the first point of call. HOPELINE247 is staffed by trained professionals, offering a telephone, text and email service, and can be used for concerned others also. ‘Basically, if you’re a parent, put yourself on a suicide awareness course’, Mike suggested when speaking about the courses PAPYRUS offers.

‘Contrary to what people may think, talking openly about suicide doesn’t increase the risk by putting the idea into a young person’s head. Instead, it gives them a safe space in which to talk openly about how they feel and discuss what help they may need’, said PAPYRUS’ Chief Executive, Ged Flynn.

The Girls’ Legacy and The Future

Regarding the future plans of the three dads, Mike spoke of the ongoing process to introduce suicide prevention into the school curriculum and hinted at plans for another walk, but stressed that their mission remains to keep the awareness of suicide prevention going whilst raising funds for PAPYRUS. Their mission is so valuable to PAPYRUS, which depends on public generosity, donations and fundraising.

Speaking about Beth’s legacy, Mike told us, ‘How will she be remembered? People won’t forget her, but the truth is, she should be here now and that breaks my heart’. He emphasised that some of the most wonderful stories he has heard have been ones of individuals and families on the other side of their struggles, crisis and those who have attempted to take their own life but are now on the other side.

‘They’re stories of hope, they’re on the other side, they’re doing well, they want to be here. They feel love, they feel productive, and life is okay for them. Those are the stories people need to listen to.

‘Life’s not easy, there are many ups and downs. At my age, I know that. Some of the downs are hard. But hope – that is an important word’.

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