13th September 2016 • My Family Our Needs

Sexual Health Week runs this week, from 12^th to 18^th September. The Family Planning Association is focusing on Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), which we will cover later in the week. Before we do, My Family, Our Needs wants to take it right back to the start of a relationship. How can young people, over the age of 16, actually spend time together in private, in a safe and comfortable place? Our sex and relationships columnist, Gill Leno shares her expertise.

One of the most common issues for young people who need extra support, is that they may find it more difficult to arrange private time together with their boyfriend or girlfriend, especially if they only get to see each other at school or college.

Of course, it is important that they do get to have some time together. The best way to ensure that young people get supported in this, rather than encounter problems, is to talk openly about their wishes with you, their parents, carers or support staff. As long as they are being safe and acting appropriately for the location, there shouldn’t be any problems that can’t be talked through.

What are a young person’s rights?

Well, young people are allowed to have a relationship with whoever they choose – as long as they choose each other, and both agree, of course. If it’s going to be a sexual relationship, both have to be over 16 and both must understand everything that happens. If young people are even thinking about doing any sexy stuff, then they need to be somewhere private and safe. This includes just having a good old snog – if they’re thinking about doing anything more than hugging, holding hands or having a cheeky little peck on the lips, then they need to remember, and be aware, that it’s not appropriate for public viewing! Plus, who wants people watching? Yikes!

The reality is that for many young people, having a romantic relationship is a normal and natural part of growing up. As responsible adults, parents, carers or practitioners you know that – but it’s natural to be concerned that the young people are safe, and they are acting appropriately.

The best way of encouraging the young people in your life to be safe and appropriate, is to encourage them to be upfront about their relationships, boyfriends and girlfriends (there’s no need for them to be secret), and to demonstrate that they understand the right way to show their feelings about them.

Remember, that young people don’t have to tell you every tiny detail about their feelings or every little thing that happens, but they should be encouraged not to keep their relationships secret. The more communication there is, the better.

A quick word about sex

Finally, a quick word about sex. As a parent or carer it can be difficult to come to terms with a child having a consensual sexual relationship. However, it’s important to make the young person in your life aware that it’s not something that they ever have to do, no matter how much they like the other person. It’s not something they should rush into, and their boyfriend or girlfriend should never expect them to do it (just like they shouldn’t expect their boyfriend or girlfriend to, either). There are loads of ways to be intimate and build a loving and romantic relationship that don’t involve sex.

If you’re struggling to find the right words when you talk to your young person about sex and relationships, the NSPCC website has free, downloadable guides to help. There are guides for children themselves, as well as parents and carers. There are also separate guides for parents and carers of children with learning disabilities and autism.

Visit www.nspcc.org.uk for more information.

Have you found the right balance of privacy and trust in your home with your young adult? Let us know how you did it, so we can share your story. Email: hello@myfamilyourneeds.co.uk or tweet us @weareMFON

You can also follow the #SHW16 hashtag on Twitter for more talk about Sexual Health Awareness Week.

Gill Leno is a specialist SRE teacher, writer and researcher working with learning, physical and sensory disabilities and autism spectrum conditions. Twitter: @sen_sre

Useful Links

If you’re not sure how to talk to the young person in your life about sex and relationships, these websites should help you.

Brook
A charity providing free and confidential sexual health and wellbeing services for young people.
www.brook.org.uk

BISH
A guide to sex and love for anyone over the age of 14.
www.bishuk.com

ThinkUKnow 
All about sex and relationships for young people, with a parent/carer and professional section too.
www.thinkuknow.co.uk

The National Autistic Society
Features information about social stories and comic strip conversations, to develop greater social understanding in young people on the autistic spectrum.
www.autism.org.uk