7th May 2024 • My Family Our Needs

To recognise National Deaf Awareness Week 2024, we’re sharing three real life stories in collaboration with the National Deaf Children’s Society.

In dating, as in life, deafness can pose particular challenges. Here, deaf personal trainer Danii shares her dating experiences in her quest for true love.

Danii’s progressive deafness was picked up when she was five. At the age of 12 she was given hearing aids to wear. At 16, things changed again as her hearing went completely in one ear and never came back.

‘I had a first love who was with me when I went deaf,’ Danii told us, ‘He was so supportive and even learnt sign language. Unfortunately he turned out not to be the one.’

‘My second boyfriend was great as well. When we went on our first date, he asked my friend the best quiet restaurant to take me to, asked me all about my deafness and even visited me before the date so we could chat in a quiet environment.’

Danii loves her job but socialising with her workmates can be difficult. ‘Going out is a challenge,’ she says. ‘I get so tired talking to people I don’t know with background music on. If we go for family dinners, I always choose my seat first. With friends, they’ll repeat back to me what the waiter says.’

Along with noisy restaurants and bars, dates at the cinema can pose problems for deaf people too. Without subtitles, Danii can struggle to follow the plot and often finds herself Googling the film afterwards so she can talk about it. Luckily, on this occasion she was dating a man with enough deaf awareness to realise she’d need subtitles: ‘He’d actually emailed the cinema beforehand and took me to a subtitled viewing. There are good guys out there!’

Given all the potential pitfalls, it’s not surprising that Danii was initially worried about dating again, but she’s learnt a lot since she’s been single. ‘Dating is hard for anyone, but there are extra challenges being deaf,’ she explained. ‘For example, some people think that if you’re deaf you can’t communicate. I feel like I need to reassure them that yes I can!

‘Also, because of my deafness, I’ve noticed that while my hearing friends are nervous about meeting a new guy, I’m more nervous about coping with the situation. What if I have to say ‘What?’ more than twice? Am I going to hear what the waiter says?

‘But most people are lovely and it makes a real difference when people don’t pussyfoot around my deafness. I asked the guy I’m dating at the moment: ‘Does my deafness bother you?’ and he said: ‘No, why would it?’ At the end of the day if that person is for you then nothing will matter.

‘I’d say to other deaf young people worried about dating – embrace your deafness. Don’t dare try and push it down. If you need to say ‘What?’ more than once then do it! We were all made different and it’s one of those things that makes you unique and cool.’

For loads more information about the dos and don’ts of deaf dating, please visit our special deaf dating webpage.

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